Taking back control

​When on a journey to becoming a parent when you have fertility issues to overcome, it can become consuming and take over every aspect of your life and consume your thoughts continuously.  Over time this can make your life and future seem out of control and as a result can create anxiety issues.  The more we try to take control of things, the more out of control we end up feeling and the viscous circle continues.


Most of our daily lives we are able to take certain steps and know with all certainty that if we do Step 1 and Step 2, then Step 3 will definitely be the end result.  Unfortunately with fertility the outcomes are never guaranteed and out minds find this not knowing quite difficult to handle. It is this lack of safety and knowing that causes anxiety and why so many couples who are trying to conceive suffer for anxiety and/or depression.  This can cause additional stress in an already difficult phase and can also hinder the successful outcome of conception. This is why as a fertility coach and therapist we focus so much on mindset and get your mind and body working together to achieve a much greater chance of a healthy successful pregnancy. 
But guess what?
You have so much more power within you than you think.  The issue is you have been focusing so desperately on the wrong thing.  I love reading and listening to life coaches and motivational speakers and something that always resonates with me is a phrase used by Tony Robbins.  He once said or wrote that "If you focus on the wall, you will end up in the wall".  I believe he used the example of a racing car driver who is in a spin and in order to come out the spin successfully will need to focus on where they want to be heading instead of where they don't want to be.  If the driver looked and focused on the wall, that is where his mind would direct his hands to steer towards.  Its the same with your journey to parenthood.  If you focus on the fact you have been told you are not able to easily conceive naturally and the chances of not succeeding; you will be less likely to achieve a successful pregnancy.  When we focus our thoughts on the process and what is wrong, we get stuck in fear.  Feeling stuck is very distressing, and it can often make a situation feel even more difficult than it already appears to be. So what can we do to free ourselves from limiting beliefs and fears, and become unstuck?

​What steps can you take?

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Three steps to taking back control

1. Make a conscious choice

This is something that takes practice, but once you become aware of your thoughts and the language you use in your mind, you can make a choice about changing them.  There are many exercises I do with my clients about recognising the things we say to ourselves and the language we use about ourselves and our situation.  This takes level of mindfulness takes practice to start with but soon becomes second nature with the right tools and methods applied. 

Once you are consciously aware of your subconscious chatter in your mind, you can then make a choice on a conscious level over your preferred thought and language.  Knowing that the choice is available will give an sense of control back to your life and will have a huge impact of your overall outcome.  Journalling is a good way to become more aware of your thoughts and internal chatter and will allow careful conscious reflection of those thoughts.

1. Positive Mindset

Changing the language you use in your mind is part of this practice, but having a positive mindset in terms of self love and your situation makes events occurring in your life seem more manageable and less overwhelming.  Being able to view various things that happen throughout your day to day life through in a more positive manor will ensure your energetic vibrations remain high and allow clarity and grounding in order to deal with situations effectively.
A good way to ensure your day is a more positive experience is to have positive affirmations that work for you to repeat and say out load or in your mind.  Affirmations such as "I am going to make an excellent parent", "I am able and ready to conceive".  Choose something that resonates on an emotional level, that you can really connect with and repeat this mantra several times a day. 
Another good way to shift your mindset to a more positive setting is practice gratitude.  Each morning and evening reflect on the things in your life that you are grateful for and give thanks for those things.  You can also eventually learn to give thanks to the universe for the less positive things that happen.  You become thankful for the universe showing you what you do not want and giving you this opportunity to grow and learn from your experience and highlight what it is you do want.  This is gratitude at a more advanced level that does take some practice but is extremely powerful.

1. Protection and Support

Fertility is not a journey you can take on your own.  For most, you will be going through this experience with your partner and its important to include them and not dismiss their feeling throughout the process.  That said, it is important to recognise the people you have in your life and how much they are supporting you on your journey.
For most people, trying to conceive feels very lonely and isolating, as the people around you tend not to understand unless they have been through it.  It is important to forgive them for this and not become bitter but thankful for their good fortune.  It is also important to recognise who is not supporting you and is having a negative impact on your growth and development on your path to parenthood.  Limiting contact with this individuals is recommended or at least discussing with them what topics you wish them to not talk about.  Lovingly drawing those boundaries is important to maintain a healthy relationship between you and this person and also the relationship you have with yourself. 
On the other hand some people in your support network may be quite uplifting for you and give energy and passion.  They may also understand more what you are going through.  Its important to ensure you spend time with these people and build on the positive support.
Reflect on your support circle and assess each one carefully.  Work out who supports your journey and uplifts you and who doesn't and then work out a plan that will give you what you need.


As a fertility coach I work with both men and women individually but also with couples together.  We work on giving you back the sense of control and ensuring a strong mind-body connection to support your journey.  If you would like to discuss your needs and what coaching and Rapid Transformational Therapy can do for you, send me a message to arrange a call.

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